Saturday, August 14, 2010

as far as the eye can see. as deep as the heart can be

So I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. Let's just say I'm kind of struggling with it right now. Struggling to forgive someone who hurt me. Someone by who I by no means hate, in fact I still love them. But someone who I am deeply angry with and have found myself thinking "I'm never going to be able to forgive you."

I know that as Christian we need to forgive others, just as God forgives us. I mean, think about it: God sent his only Son, Jesus to be sacrificed on a cross for us. That was his way of not only saving, but also forgiving us. Even after all of the things the people on this earth have done and are continuing to do, Jesus dies on a cross to forgive us. Everything we genuinely ask forgiveness of him, he gives it without a second thought. Shouldn't we be able to do the same? Maybe its because we're human.

Anyways, I just don't know how to go about this. I know I should forgive. I also know that forgiveness is a process, it takes time. Until you really let go, its a daily decision to forgive someone who wronged you. I know its the right thing to do, I know its what God wants us to do. Don't get me wrong, I want to forgive. But I don't feel like it. I don't feel like I'm being honest if I say I've forgiven this person, because in my heart, I'm still really angry with them. But it really scares me when I think to myself that I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them.

I know that this is part of the reason I've been feeling low. Having anger and resentment towards someone (especially someone you really care about) is a heavy burden. I know that forgiveness is the way to go. It allows us to let go. Its also a way of showing love. Really, one of the ultimate ways of showing love. But how can I let this go? I can't just make it go away just like that. I also want to forgive wholeheartedly. I don't want to just say words, I want to believe in what I'm doing. It has to be real. But what if the person you're angry with hasn't even asked to be forgiven? What if they don't even think they've done anything wrong, even though its been pointed out to them? Forgiving someone who wants to be forgiven is one thing. But forgiving someone who hasn't asked for it? How do you do that?

So for anyone who actually reads my blog: what does forgiveness mean to you? How do you truly forgive someone? What do you think?

Good stuff to look at:

1 John 3:9-12

Anyone who says he is walking in the light of Christ but dislikes his fellow man, is still in darkness. But whoever loves his fellow man is 'walking in light' and can see his way without stumbling around in darkness and sin. For he who dislikes his brother is wandering in spiritual darkness and doesn't know where he is going, for the darkness has made him blind so that he cannot see the way. I am writing these things to all of you, my little children, because your sins have been forgiven in the name of Jesus our Savior.

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